yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
