everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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