Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
