The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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