my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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