We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
