i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As shirtless as possible
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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