I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
