just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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