The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
