11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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