You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
