everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
