You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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