you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
