help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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