you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
