it was like his penis was on wheels.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
