dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
not ubering you a puppy
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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