All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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