just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
