if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
