thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
