apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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