life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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