Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
