no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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