I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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