Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
