If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
