I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
