I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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