ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
