I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
