Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
