Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
