my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
