girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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