I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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