what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
