I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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