Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
