I wish I could teleport
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
