She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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