I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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