nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
