Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
love makes seman taste better
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
