Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
