Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I believe in your delicious
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
