So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i drank out of a bidet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
