I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
