Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
